All my life I've misheard things. "Did you feed the dog?" becomes to my ears "The toaster's in the garage," for example. When I turn to the people in my life and ask, "Ummmm, what did you just say?" they often won't tell me until I confess to what it is I think I've heard. From long association with me, they know my brain has come up with something improbable enough to alert me that nonsense is afoot, and they enjoy my discomfiture, good-naturedly enough that I've begun to enjoy it too. Sort of.
In the last ten years I've begun misreading things too. Once, for example, "peasants storming the Braille" caught my attention, and sent me back to the original, which had "Bastille" instead of "Braille." Recently I read the title of a novel (by Janette Turner Hospital) as The Last Michigan instead of The Last Magician, although I suppose it could have been The Last of the Mohicans too, only it wasn't.
So I keep a list of my more fantastical misreads and mishears and I insert them into poems. Why not? I might as well get some advantage from my periodical states of confusion. Sometimes when I've got a long list of misreads and mishears, I challenge myself to get them all into a single poem. And occasionally literary journals publish these poems. Go figure.
Apparently I'm not the only one who does this. Last month I read this in Andrei Codrescu's The Disappearance of the Outside: A Manifesto for Escape:
"Mishearing is the true aristocrat of hearing. By extension, so are mistakes. How far into the new truth can one be taken by mistakes? 'Never let a typo go,' Ted Berrigan advised me, 'it may be the threshold of the new, the door into the unexpected.' Mishearing. Mistakes. Misunderstandings. Misgivings. Miscastings. All the pretty misses of discovery."
Because I am raising bilingual sons, I read a lot about second language acquisition. Some years ago I read (and I've forgotten the reference, I apologize) that one of the struggles for second language learners is the inability of their brains to fill in sounds that get lost in conversation. Background noise and simple movement in positioning of mouths and ears (the turning of the head, for example) mean that all of us miss syllables now and then when we are listening, but we often have no idea we missed a small bit of something, because our brains go ahead and fill it in, as though we had heard it in the first place. From years of hearing and reading things in context, our brains can often guess what syllable we missed, and whisper it to us. However, the brains of second language learners don't have years of examples stored up in their new language, and their brains cannot fill in the blanks, so they notice when they've missed a couple of phonemes here and there. They can't keep up.
So what does that mean for me, that my brain goes ahead and fills in the syllables I miss with, um, nonsense rather than searching out the most likely words that fit the context? According to Andrei Codrescu and Ted Berrigan (and who could be in better company than that?) it's a good thing, a chance to discover and maybe to create. I agree. I just wonder how many mishears and misreads I don't catch because they seem probable enough. Now that's scary.
91 comments:
Love this! Just a creative mind at work -- think of it as a gift. Also loving the look of your blog. I'll be following, for sure!
Hi Jacki, I'm finally following your lead into the world of blogging. You are my creative hero!
My mind just struck again. I heard "secular Cubist" instead of "secular humanist."
Recently read Kelli Russell Agodon's charming book, Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room, in which there is a poem entitled "Coming Up Next: Killer Blue Irises Spread" with the italicized note below of "Misheard health report on NPR." Notes in the back of the text explain that the report was actually entitled "How Killer Flu Viruses Spread." Mishears strike again! (and if you love irises, they are a motif in this book, so check it out.)
I'm just going to keep posting strange misreadings and mishearings here, though I don't suppose anyone but me will ever notice!
I just read "crayons" instead of "canyons." I ought to be able to make something from that!
Just heard a poem (on a podcast) called "The Heron" but it was about halfway through the poem before I realized it wasn't "The Harem."
My son asked me, "When is Dad coming home?" but I heard, "I'm meeting Dad in Mexico." Well, similar cadence anyway.
My son said, "American," but I heard "a meerkat," which made for a confusing conversation.
Just misread "Every person you meet is a potential character" as "Every person you meet is a potential cracker."
Okay, this is a little bit off the mark, but I just read the word "goaltending" and spent a few minutes wondering, what is a goalt? And how does one end it?
My husband was telling me about a service available at the hospital but "only for acute phase patients." I thought he said, "only for cute-faced patients" and I was duly offended for all the ugly patients being discriminated against.
I thought my son asked me, "Is that a caveman with a saxophone?" But actually he had said, "Is that Cane Man with a bag and phone?" (Cane Man is what we call our cranky old neighbor who whacks anyone passing within canes-length with his walking cane. And hard! He's never been seen yet with anything but the cane, which is why my son was incredulous at the bag and phone. It wasn't Cane Man.)
Today's misread: Instead of "x is hardwired into our nervous systems" I thought I read "x is haywired into our nervous systems." Ha!
So my 11-year-old says, "You know how to make dry ice? It's hardened seal poo."
No, he didn't say that, but that's what I heard. He actually said "CO2" and yes the 2 is supposed to be a subscript. I don't know how to change font in the comment section.
Ha! I just misread: "How Great Women Lead: A Mother-Daughter Adventure into the Lives of Women Shaping the World
byBonnie St. John"
as "......Women Slapping the World..." Let it fly, women!
Just misread the book title "The Book on Writing: The Ultimate Guide to Writing Well" as
"The Book on Writing: The Ultimate Guide to Writing Hell."
HA!
It's been awhile since I left a comment. Misreadings and mishearings have been happening but I haven't been recording them.
Here's one though: I read "angry labelling" when what was really written was "allergy labelling."
So this morning I looked 'echolalia' up in the dictionary, because I had heard it used as a technique small children apply when learning to speak by repeating everything their parents say (and I have a kid who did this, but had not heard of this usage of 'echolalia' before), and I saw the word echoey, with the definition:
1 like an echo.
And I read it too quicky and thought I had read "I like an echo" and I thought well, who doesn't, but still that's an odd thing to be written in a dictionary. Because of course that wasn't written in the dictionary.
Just heard "nico...." and expected to hear "nicotine," when what the speaker actually said was "Nicodemus." Which I should have expected from the context. Not a mishearing, but a misexpectation.
Just misheard "universal story about the self" as "universal story about the south." Hmmmmmm. Odd, from a eastern girl.
I may be taking my low-carb diet too far. I just misread "body language" as "body lasagne"!
Son said "Look at all the buses," which totally confused me as I had heard "Look at the octopuses" and there weren't any octopuses, nay not even any octopi.
Today's entry on Poetry Daily was Stephen Cushman's "Atheism's Easier," which I misread as "Atheism's Easter."
Mishearing may be genetic. Just heard my son singing, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all popsicles in my way."
Yesterday was a banner day for mishearing. Instead of "notify the next of kin" I heard "notify the Mexican." When my son said, "I have a question," I heard, "Hare Krishna."
The quote I ALMOST read: "A cynic is a frustrated idealist. You care *so much* that, to protect yourself from being burned again, you became cynical." —Rankin
But what I really read was: "A cyclist is a frustrated idealist."
Which is often also true.
Misheard "interpolate" as "in triple H." Why not "in triple eight"? Can't say.
Misread "gorilla mask" as "Galileo mask."
Just misread Diverse Voice Quarterly as Divorce Verse Quarterly.
Just misread the headline "Has Your Smartphone Hijacked Your Life?" as "Has Your Sophomore Hijacked Your Life?"
This is a misreading due to my eyes just getting bad. The print was small so I read "gut churn" as "gut chum." Disgusting...
Rereading a Murakami novel, and misread "overwhelmed by a stillness deeper than anything I'd ever known" as "overwhelmed by a silliness deeper than anything I'd ever known."
Just misheard Patton Oswald reading his wine list. "Whites by the glass" I heard as "white spider glass" and I was enthralled--what is white spider glass?
Too bad, no such thing.
Misheard, this morning, "mine detonator" as "mind detonator" and spent a few puzzled moments wondering what that would be.
Misheard "dragging the lake" as "dragon the lake," and wondered whether it was a nickname or title, like "Pepin the Short" (who I'm related to), or whether it was a lake named Dragon, like "Dragon: the lake" or "Dragon, the lake", sort of an appositive. Those were the possibilities I considered before I finally figured it out....
Misheard "original sin" as "a regional sin".
I think I'm on to something here...
Just thought I heard: "What kind of grammar would a grammar without Christians be?"
What was actually said: "What kind of grammar would a grammar without questions be?"
Epic misread:
Instead of "security camera"
"sincerity camera"!
Misread:
Instead of "cowboys and Indians"
I thought I read "cowboys and lesbians"
A much better title!
Was reading a description of abject poverty that included the statement "only 10% of households had even a basic privy" which I misread as "only 10% of households had even a pastry bag," and I thought, well, no pastry bag, that's poverty all right.
Just misread "Rolex Replicas" as "Rolex Republicans."
Recently misheard 'embossed in gold' as 'in Boston gold.'
Instead of "The Plot Against America" I misread "The Crotch against America." In my defense, there was a cr- word in the line just below the line I was reading. Really, there was!!!!
Another doozy: Just thought "your cellphone company is robbing your blind" was "your celibacy company is robbing you blind." Once again my eyes picked up some letters from the line below the one I meant to be reading, and alphabet-souped it up.
Yesterday, I thought I heard "satire's dark humvee". I still don't know what it was that was actually said.
Just misread 'pipe tobacco' as 'pig tobacco.' Which you have to admit is more interesting.
And just misread 'No dogs, horses, motor vehicles' as 'No dogs, horses, mother vehicles' and wondered if they were referring to strollers.....
Just thought I read "daredevils never say halitosis." You don't even want to know what it really said; this is much better.
Just misread "the autumn of 1969" as "the asylum of 1969".
Misread "Any sponsorship would be greatly appreciated" as "Any censorship would be greatly appreciated"!
Just misread "Stop having kids" as "Stop having ideas." Whoa......
And just misread "digital paper" as "digital diaper."
Today, I misheard "Gore Vidal" as "Barbie Doll." Best. Mishearing. Ever.
Just misheard "Made available by the support of listeners like you" as "Made available by the support of the sinners like you".
Misreading. Thought it was 'ten minuses.' Nope. 'ten minutes.'
Also, read 'dragonwings' instead of 'drawings.'
What I thought I'd read: "If he loved so much as a limb, a muscle, he was afraid it would trigger an abundance of feeling he was doing his best to contain."
Actually it was "moved" not "loved."
misread 'black-and-white baby photograph' as 'bleak-and-white baby photograph'
Last night I misread "a book of half-states" as "a book of self-hates".
Spent a few seconds wondering about the novel someone referred to, clearly assuming everyone must have read it, called "Dave, The Locust."
I'm an avid reader--I'd never heard of this novel....then I realized (have you already realized?) "Day of the Locust."
Misread "books for soldiers" as "books for spiders."
Misheard "shake our hands" as "sugar hands."
Misread 'riding shotgun' as 'riding shogun'.
Heard someone say "He's a pal of mine" and I thought he said "He's a pantomime".
Misread 'kitchenette' as 'kinderette.'
Misread "forever is composed of nows" as "forever is composed of crows."
Just misread 'cool your heels' as 'color your heels.'
Misread "So rest instead in my brain's bower" as "So rest instead in my brain's browser."
Misreading: "adult-sized restaurant bed used in New York insane asylum at the turn of the century" should have been "restraint bed"
Mishearing: "image calorie" is what I heard; took me a moment to realize "image gallery"
Mis-Read this on HONY: "I belong to a very conservative family, so I’ve been dealing with a lot of persimmon issues."
Yes, right, it was "permission issues" not "persimmon issues" and it breaks my heart. Wish it were a persimmon issue.
Buddhists call grasses and other grass-like plants "graminoids".
Or botanists, rather. Including Buddhist botanists.
Reconnaissance Faire.
The'e'in Faire tells you what it really read, doesn't it?
A telling mishearing:
Instead of hearing what was said, which was "Theory of Everything,"
I heard, "Fear of Everything."
Misread the title of Gabrielle Calvocoressi's poem " Praise House: The New Economy" as "Prairie House: The New Economy."
Just misread 'astray' as 'ashtray.'
Just thought I read "How Buildings Learn," then thought to myself, Well, obviously that was supposed to be "How Buildings Lean" so I went back and checked, and no, it really was "How Buildings Learn." A book by Stewart Brand. I'm totally going to check this out!
Misread 'you are so multitalented' as 'you are so mutilated.' (The original comment was not directed to me, obviously!)
Just misread my own blog entry title of "Prompt-o-Rama" as "Puppet-o-Rama."
When someone said "ineffable" for a moment I thought he meant "in-F-able" as in not F-able.
Misread "past the finish line" as "past the finch line."
My mind took the meme "throwback thurs" and rearranged it to "throwback hurts"
Just misread 'surgery' as 'sugary'.
Just misread 'Marco Polo' as 'Macro Polo'. I CANNOT tell you how much this pleases me.
Just misread 'answering the demands of cloud-based services' as 'answering the diamonds of cloud-based services.' I like my version oh so much better.
Just misheard 'his black tie unloosened' as 'his black tie lucent.' Once again, I like my version better.
Misread 'my beard growing greyer' as 'my beard growing geyser'.
Misread 'unjuried art show' as 'uninjured art show'.
Three times I misread "Hither and yon" as "Hitler and yon" and thought to myself, that's not a very good pun. Because it wasn't A PUN!
Misread a Facebook comment of "I want to drown my sorrows in a margarita" as "I want to drown my sorrows in marginalia."
Just misread this: “We have to learn how to live with frailties. The best people I know are inadequate and unashamed.” —Stanley Kunitz with 'frailties' replaced with 'families' in my mind!
wow, I haven't commented in almost a year. But today I misread 'endgame' as 'edamame'!!!!
Haven't remembered to post anything here since before the pandemic, but today I misread 'deviation from the norm' as 'devastation from the norm.'
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